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When all is said and done   
07:21pm 27/01/2008
 
mood: blank
There’s not much you can do, you don’t really know how to react or how the other person will react. As much as you want to comfort them because you assume they are hurting, you cant, you cant do anything. Its not really your place, but you still want to, I don’t want it to be like this, I guess being “just friends” never works out, I don’t know what to say or do. I cant believe he would be so childish, after we spent a year and a half together, I just don’t know any more…I give up, only a little longer an I will be moved out and life will be good again. I don’t regret it at all, I am so relieved, but it is still sad at the same time.

I was fine, till he started acting like and ass today, he took all the photos of us out of his wallet and left them on my desk, and he’s just being a little kid about it all.
 
     

(1 minds talking |What's on your mind?)

 
The meaning of life...   
12:52am 06/11/2007
 
mood: thoughtful
How do you know if you are doing the right thing? Like what if you are "ment" to do one thing, but you make the "wrong" choice and then that changes the rest of you life? like how do you know, what if you are ment to be a famous doctor (its late and i cant think of anything less clecha), but you find another job that makes you so happy, how do you know that the one that makes you happy is the wrong one. People are so clued into what we want, how can we tell that it is what we need to do.
May be i am ment to be someone who finds a more effecent way of powerubg cars other then gas. But i decide that i like support employment so much i want to make it my life work, i would never do what i was ment to do, but i would be happy. So what is the right thing to do? The thing that changes the world or the thing that makes me happy? what is more important? I dont know any more...i know it's not about me and i dont think it would ever be, but i like where i am know, i really enjoy it and feel i make a diffrence, but what if the world has something bigger planed?
 
     

(1 minds talking |What's on your mind?)

 
I think that it is time that i...   
11:00pm 23/10/2007
  Come to the concution thayt thretr os is no God!! I dont knnow what ealse to think, adn gos has provided no duidence so i dont know what do to but believe ther is no god...i now feel like i have been lied to and god does not care if some care gives hier whole lifie to fighting and he turns a blide eye, what shoudl i beleve? the one thing that provies stabilaty? liwor is the only thing that provides the same resaalst no matter how hard o tru, i feel like i am not worth it, maybe she shoudl give up, its been a long fight and i give up, may be she should too, i dont know, even though we were not that close she liked josh, i just watn to give up, how should i know who is the right person? then work sends me to an old person home and thats all i can think about.
i really miss you! i cant wait till we see each other, hoefully soon!
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
What do you do?   
09:17pm 23/10/2007
  When lif is so back and forth? What do you do when one minuet life is fine and another its going to end? Its been like that for so long, i am so confused as to what to think. One minuet its gone and the next it's back. I am finaly ok with a death, but then i am told it all okay and they have another 20 years and then its back. i dont know what to do, i have tears, but when do i let them out? I dont know any more, what is right and wrong? what should i feel? i dont know any more and i need help. I never thought i would be this sad, i've been prepared for this, but i dont know what to do. What do you do when someone is letting themself die? I guesse you give up, just like they did...  
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
I give up on him...   
07:06pm 20/09/2007
 
mood: bitchy
This is rediculous! Its been almost three months since he has had a job! I dont even give a crap if he is still paying his part of rent, he's almost 25 and does not have a job. As much as i love him, i dont know if its worth it any more. If he would at least help out around the house it would make it better, but no, he works on his cars and watches movies. He finaly made dinner tonight and then gets a call from a friend and leaves half way through making dinner to go pick up his friend, and he expects me to finish dinner.

It seems like no matter what he cant give me what i want, someone who is reliable, responsible and give a crap what they do with there life. I think the worse part of all is that he has not been tring to find a job. He says he hate to fill out aplications, so he doesn't, its the same with house work, he hates to do the dish's so he leaves them. When he does do them he does them half ass and i have to take them out for him to wash again, but he does not wash them again they just sit on the tabel.

I feel really greedy to say this, but he really sucks in the gift giving department. Like for my birthday i got a ugly bracelet that his dad bought. Josh spent all his money fixing up the mustange and had to have his dad buy me a gift. I did not get taken out to dinner, or anything. It's not that gifts are everything, but they do kind of show how much a person cares. I know that i will always be second best to his cars, i know that they mean a lot to him, but does a car buy you tickets to Carlos Mencia for your birthday after you have only been together for 3 months. He does not plan ahead at all, again its not the money, i would be happy if he just picked me out a $20 braclet and got me a card.

His birthday is in a week and i am half tempted to call off the dinner party and just not give him his gift i have been working on for a month. If i am never going to be mean more to him then a stupid car then it's not worth my time. I know i am writing this huge post about how much i dont want to be with him, but in my heart i do still love him, i'm just mad. I need to find a way to tell him all of my feelings with out really hurting his and with out there being liquor involved...any sugestions?
 
     

(1 minds talking |What's on your mind?)

 
Why are boys such a pain?   
08:26am 26/08/2007
 
mood: pissed off
Why cant we just be happy? Why does he do stupid stuff? I know it could not have be me (well this time i did have something to do with it). I just dont understand and i dont even remeber what the fight was about so i dont know how to fix it. Now hes beeing an ass and putting in a movie i have told him i dont want to watch just to make me mad.

Why am i the one that does the dishes? I know he hates doing them, but does he think i enjoy it? Its not fair at all, what does he do all day? Watches movies and works on the cars, i dont even want to start on it i am so mad! I tried to be nice today and said good morning, but thats all we have said today. GRRRRR!
 
     

(3 minds talking |What's on your mind?)

 
That boy is the best!!   
08:55pm 22/01/2007
 
mood: loved
OMG!! I live with a boy!! Josh and i have been in our new home for almost a month now and it is so great!! I cant belive how much i love him, he is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I have never been this happy, its so hard to explain what i feel, but its the best feeling ever. We have had our hard times, but they make us stronger, i would do anything for that man, he is the best ever!!

Well thats all, i just wanted to let you all know that i am still alive and making it. I hope all is well and everyone is happy, i know i am!!

Lots of love,
~Debra~
 
     

(1 minds talking |What's on your mind?)

 
We got it!!!!   
05:51pm 12/12/2006
 
mood: ecstatic
We got the place! OMG I cant wait to move in. We move on the 26th, thats two weeks from today!! There is lots to get done. And i get to see my girls in two days!! I cant wait! Life is great! I love Christmas time!
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
We found a place!!!   
06:58pm 07/12/2006
  Josh and i found a place!! I cant wait to get our apps in and see if we get to move in. The person said that once we turn in the apps it should only take a day or two to hear back. We could be in the new place before christmas. It will be strange to not be at home this christmas, but even if we dont move out, chances are that i will spend christmas and christmas eve at Josh's any way. It's crazy how much his family now seems like mine, i love it!! It's what i always wanted, a family that gets together for holidays and stuff. Its very cool and i am glad to have it now.

It is now almost a week till all the pow wow girls are together again and i cant wait!! It has been too long and so much has happened!! This Christmas/winter is going to be the best ever!!!

Love ya all lots,
~Debra~
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
I love my boys!!   
04:57pm 03/12/2006
 
mood: nerdy
Josh and Steven are the most amazing boys i know. My brother has become one of my best friends and has helped me so much over the last year. He has helped me be more open and fun and just happy. I am going to miss him so much, it is so hard to not see him all the time like i used to, but we have both grown up and that makes life harder.

Josh has been such a rock for me when i feel like my life has fallen apart. When i feel like have been left all alone, he is there for me and tells me how much he loves me. For a boy, hes pretty good about telling me how he feels and saying the right things at the right time.

I am so blessed to have both of them in my life, as well as my other friends. I just wish i could do something more then i am. I want them both to know how much they mean to me and how much they have changed me for the better.

Well that is my little rant for today. I hope you are all haveing a great weekend. Take care all and happy hollidays.

Love ya all lots,
~Debra~
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
Why does he hate me so much??   
06:01pm 02/12/2006
 
mood: bitchy
I dont understand why my dad hates me so much? He is raising the rent from 200 to 300 a month. Then he told me that i could pay 200 a month and have the other 100 go towards the money he owes me. WTF!! How does he expect that to pay off what he owes me? I am so mad, am i that bad of a person that he is doing that. If steven and i both pay 300 that will be 600 (ya math) and that is 1/2 of the house payment. I think steven and i should get that half when my dad sells it.i am so mad and hurt right now. i dont even know what to think or do. Stevens moving out tomorrow, he said he's just going to put his stuff in storage and just stay at jules.

GRRRRRRRRRRR
 
     

(1 minds talking |What's on your mind?)

 
Grr on dads...   
07:19pm 22/11/2006
 
mood: annoyed
My dad is going to drive me crazy!! Thank God i only have a little longer of "living" there, then i am out with Josh and we dont have to worry about him. I love my dad and all, but i am just going to go crazy. Oh well, life goes on and i will some how manage.

Well i hope you all have a very happy thanksgiving. Stay safe, dont drink and drive.

I love you all,
~Debra~
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
and it continues...   
08:15pm 21/11/2006
 
mood: blessed
Tonight has already been a great night, even thought nothing has happened. I was looking through old e-mails when i found one that again washed away any doubt i may have had in my heart. As Josh lays in bed next to me asleep, i know what i want, i have never been so sure!
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
How do you decide??   
01:11pm 21/11/2006
 
mood: loved
I find it amazing how one night can change your life. That what Saturday was for me. Every doubt I had is gone, I know what I want in life. Its crazy how life can turn around in such a short amout of time, not that life was bad before, but he has made is so much better. I look forward to going home to him, I love taking care of him, making dinner and doing all the little things.

I guess that all together it was not just Saturday night, but all last week, Saturday just conformed it all. I don’t think I have ever been so happy. It really helps how he always reminds me how much I mean to him, so I know its not just me being a girl. I love the way he makes me feel. How so much drama is going on in my family life, but he makes it all better. I love that boy!

Again, the only thing missing are my girls!! Soon we will all be together again and I cant wait. Now I am done being girly. I hope everyone is well. I miss you all lots!!

Lots and lots of love,
~Debra~
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
Lifes getting busy!!   
10:31am 07/11/2006
 
mood: in love
This last week and a half has been so crazy busy!! I love it, i love having something to do everyday and have someone to "go home to", even if its not my house.
Josh and i went looking at places last night, but it was dark and rainy so it was not very good. We only have 55 days (i believe its that long) till we move! I cant wait! Its going to be busy the next two months, but it will be good, we both are really excited.
In other Josh news it is 4 months today!! It feels like way longer, but in a good way. To celebrate i am getting my tattoo fixed, then we are going to attempt to go out to dinner. It all depends on how my foot is feeling. I love that boy!!
Well i hope you all have a great day and take care. Try to stay dry and if you think about it, send me good thoughts around 2:00 pm. I hope it heals better this time.

Love ya all lots,
~Debra~
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
   
09:41pm 01/11/2006
  I am so drained, i dont know what to do. I am exsosted and all i want to do is sleep.  
     

(1 minds talking |What's on your mind?)

 
I love my life   
09:24am 21/10/2006
 
mood: happy
Its amazing how about six months ago i was unhappy with my life, but now it all seems to be working out great!! I love everything that is happening and its wonderful. I am looking for a new job, i think that is the one thing in my life that i am unhappy with, that and i never get to see Sarah!! But soon soon.

I cant wait for the girls to both be in town again. I miss our pow wows so much, and we all have much to talk about. I feel like it has been forever since i have talked to them, even thought it was just last night i got to see jeneva, but Sarah and i have not talked in forever and i miss her much.

Well i have much todo today, i am hoping to go to the beach tomorrow because Josh and i both dont have to work, but i dont know if we will be able to or not, we will see. I hope you all have a great weekend and stay safe. Take care all.

Lots and lots of love,
~Debra~
 
     

(1 minds talking |What's on your mind?)

 
I cant believe it!!!   
02:02pm 10/10/2006
 
mood: ecstatic
I cant believe that i am going to be living with a boy!! Josh and i are moving in together and i dont think i have ever been this stocked. I love that boy and i have fallen so fast for him and i love every second we spend together. I cant wait to wake up next to him every morning, i do that now, but in our own place, and i want to come home from work to him.

Well that is enough of me being gushy, i hope all is well in the world. Take care all.

Peace out,
~Debra~
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
   
06:20pm 05/10/2006
  I dont know why, but i have a sad feeling all of a sudden. I dont know why, mayabe work? I dont really know, i just feel like staying home tonight. I want to seelp in my own bed and not get up at 6 in the morning. As much as i love staying with josh, i have not stayed in my bed in like a month. I love that boy, but i feel like crap, i have been sick all week so that is not helping. However i know that i will not be staying the night tomorrow, we both have plans!! That dont involve each other!! So we will be in our own beds, so i may want to go over tonight, i dont know.

Sunday we are going to Family dinner at my moms, i am kind of scared. I think someone is going to end up in tears, chances are me or my mom. Oh well, i'm not stressing it, at least i will have Josh and my brother there to have fun with, and i do believe that Jules is going to be there so thats cool. Well i am out, take care all.
 
     

(What's on your mind?)

 
I love my life and my boy!!   
10:49am 01/10/2006
  I dont think i could be any more happy with our relationship. Its the little things he does, like change his my space to include me in it. When we go for walks its the little things he says to me to make me think about the fucher, and what part i want him to play in it. I never thought that after three months i would fall so hard for someone, but i love it, this is the first time i have ever let my gard down and i want to tell him everything, i just need to find the right way. Well i need to take a shower so i can go and meet up with Jeneva!! I cant wait to see her and tell her everything!  
     

(What's on your mind?)